We Are Simply One Hell Of A Host Club
by TeamCieloisPhancyhive
Summary: When Ciel Phantomhive and Alois Trancy are ordered by her Majesty to go to school, they are sent all the way to Japan to go to Ouran Academy! And when Tamaki meets these two young shotas, he'll get them in his Host Club if it's the last thing he does! And when people are falling in love left and right, can the Host Club even handle all this chaos! Cielois and TamakixHaruhi
1. What's a Host?

_My Most Trusted Guard Dog,_

 _While I am completely aware of your situation, being the head of the Phatomhives, I neglect to inform you that in Britain's eyes, you are still a child, and all children must go to school. I have generously paid for admission into a school abroad in Japan, Ouran Academy. I will also have the head of the Trancy family, my spider, attend school with you as well. I will have Scotland Yard take care of any situations that may take place while you are away, so you needn't worry._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Her Majesty, Queen of England_

Ciel frowned at the letter. School? Japan? _Trancy?!_ Why must Ciel Phantomhive go through with all of this? There was another piece of paper attached to the letter. It was a form that had already been filled out for the school he was to attend-Ouran Academy-and it said that he would begin attending class this coming Thursday. How on Earth was he supposed to get to Japan by then, and why, _why_ must he go with Trancy?!

 _I_ was _to have a meeting with him this afternoon,_ Ciel thought.

"Sebastian."

"Yes, my young lord?"

"You are to go this school with me, do you understand?"

"I'm afraid, master, that while I will go with you to Japan, it would be most unsightly for me to attend school with you."

"Hmph." Ciel said, pouting. He sat like that for a while.

"Young master."

"Yes? What is it, Sebastian?!"

"I believe the Trancys have arrived."

"Damn."

"I will go invite them in."

* * *

"Cielllllllllllll~!" Alois shrieked, running up the stairs, through the hallway, and into Ciel's office, sitting in Ciel's lap.

"I can't believe we're going to school together! It's going to be so much fun, isn't it, Ciel~?"

"Get off, you blood oaf!" Ciel hollered, pushing Alois to the ground. Before his skinny butt could hit the floor, however, he bounced back up into Ciel's lap, wrapping his arms around the bluenette's neck.

"Aww, c'mon Ciel, that's no way to treat the one who's letting you use his airplane." The blonde said affectionately, nuzzling into Ciel's chest.

"...Airplane?"

"Oh, yes Ciel! Just recently in the States, these two _genius_ men built a _marvelous_ flying contraption called an _airplane_ ~!"

"Well... I suppose that would get us there faster... Hey! Stop it!" Ciel yelled at Alois, who was playfully licking Ciel's cheek.

"Alright, fine. But stop being such a party pooper, Ciel." The blonde said, getting back up and sashaying out of the room.

 _This... Is going to be torture,_ thought Ciel.

* * *

Many days of chaos later, the duo and their butlers had arrived in Japan.

"Woooooooooooooow, Japan is so pretty, Ciel!" Alois screamed at the top of his lungs, twirling around.

"Ugh, can you just shut up for a second?!" Ciel shrieked back. "Sebastian! We have an estate nearby, don't we?!"

Sebastian smiled. "Yes, you and Earl Trancy will be staying in one of your family's summer homes, my young lord."

Ciel sighed. "Isn't the school nearby as well?"

"Yes master, I do believe the school is within walking distance of your estate."

"I suppose we should go then, and go to sleep early so we can be prepared for school tomorrow. Alois, you and Claude fllow Sebastian and I."

 _Why your majesty? Oh why, why me..._

* * *

That night was simply more chaos, and the next day at school was starting out no better. It began with Alois waking everyone up at the crack of dawn so Claude could turn his uniform pants into booty shorts, and then Sebastian trying to force-feed Ciel Japanese tea.

Ciel's uniform was perhaps a little too big, but it suited him just fine. Alois, on the other hand, was wearing the uniform top and jacket, but also with his trade-mark shorts and thigh-high socks with boots. Ciel insisted that the blonde would get in trouble, but Alois didn't seem to care. All in all, it had been a rather stressful morning for Ciel.

As the two walked to their classes (they had been put in all the same ones, ironically), Alois had been clinging to Ciel, practically draping himself on the shorter boy as though he were Ciel's wet towel. People, particularly girls, stared at them strangely. Ciel could hear their soft comments and quiet gossiping, but he din't really understand what they were talking about.

 _"Are they new hosts?"_

 _"Of course they are, only a host would alter their uniform like that."_

 _"I don't remember Tamaki saying anything about new members..."_

 _"That one sure looks like Tamaki, doesn't he?"_

 _"What?! No he doesn't"_

 _"Regular boys would never walk around acting like that! They have to be hosts"_

"Say... Alois, do you know anything about this school?"

The blonde lifted his head up, which had been buried in Ciel's shoulder. "Huh? No, I don't believe I do. Why, were you curious about something, sweetie?"

Ciel hissed. "Hey don't go calling me sweetie! And, well, I curious on what a 'host' is..."

Alois giggled like a little girl. "You don't know what a host is?! Bah! Why you've hosted _tons_ of balls, Ciel dear~!"

"No, not that kind of host... Just-Ya know what? Never mind."

Alois nuzzled his head back into Ciel's shoulder. "Mmm. Whatever you say dear."

"Het, get off! And stop calling me 'dear'!" Ciel yelled as the two continued down the hall of the rather suspicious-seeming Ouran Academy.

* * *

It was that time of day.

That glorious, _magnificent_ time of day.

What time was it? It was the time that the Ouran Academy Host Club was open, and fangirls from all over the school could come and ogle at beautiful charming boys.

And today...

Music Room #3 was practically _empty_.

Tamaki bit his nails with worry. "Mommy dear, why hasn't anyone come to see us yet? We've been open for a whole five minutes and hardly anyone's come to see us." The blonde pouted.

Mommy, or Kyoya, adjusted his glasses. "It seems that something else must be grabbing our customers attention. I wonder what. Although..."

Tamaki turned his head. "Although what?"

"Although I know I heard people talking about how charming the _new hosts_ were."

Tamaki nearly exploded. "Whaaaaaaat?! New hosts?! I never brought any new hosts into this group! Our newest host is Haruhi and she's old news now!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I can _hear_ you, Senpai."

"I must venture forth! On a epic quest to find these so called 'new hosts'!" Tamaki declared.

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, rolled their eyes. "Hey boss, how do think you'll find them? You don't even know where to look."

"Maybe not, but I know what to look _for_! Several charming, handsome young men! And since this is a free hour, I can imagine they'd be one of two places: The library or the cafeteria!"

The twins simply stood there, dumbfounded. "He's never going to find them..."

"How 'bout this," Haruhi walked up to the group, shrugging. "You simply _ask_ someone if they know where they are?'

"...! Well, there's always that." Tamaki said, pretending like he knew that all along.

"Mommy! Come with me! And we will find these customer-stealing little thieves..."

* * *

Tamaki had been told that (like he predicted) the 'new hosts' were in the small cafeteria. They were just walking in when Tamaki heard something that made his head turn.

"Fangirl screams detected." He declared listening to the 'ooo's and 'ahh's and 'so cute's typic of fangirls. He and Kyoya walked towards the direction of the noise to see...

What could've very well been the cutest little boys he had ever seen. One of them simply screamed 'cool emo' in the appearance, with navy blue colored hair, and a single sapphire eye that dazzled like a star, they opposite eye being covered up by an eye patch. He was goofily yelling at the other boy, who was shamelessly sitting on the bluenette's lap, his arms draped onto him. He had light platinum blonde hair and the iciest, coldest eyes Tamaki had ever seen. And instead of wearing the uniform pants, he had substituted them for a pair of sleazy booty shorts and thigh-high stockings, and well as girlish knee-high boots.

Tamaki gazed at them in awe and wonder. They were acting... exactly as if they were in the Host Club. It didn't even look as though they were _trying_ to lure in girls. They seemed pretty content with one another. And so right then, right there, Tamaki decided...

"I _will_ make those two join the Host Club!"

"...And exactly how do you plan on doing that?" Kyoya asked him. "With all those girls surrounding them, you won't even be able to get close to them."

"Gasp! You're right, Kyoya! Curses! I have to talk to those two boys!"

Kyoya's glasses shimmered as he cocked his head to one side. "Hmm, don't worry, I came prepared." He said, pulling out a large box of Host Cub Photo Books.

"Girls," He yelled at them, grabbing the girls' attention. "Right now as a special one-time offer, we are handing out these limited edition Ouran Academy Host Club Photo Books for _free_! That's right, _free_!"

As the girls darted for Kyoya like a pride of hungry lions, the two boys' position remained them same, as if the fangirls hadn't affected them at all. These two weren't even _acting,_ and that shocked Tamaki.

"Excuse me," Tamaki said as he walked up to the two boys, grabbing their attention. "But have either of you two ever heard of the _Host Club_ here at Ouran?"

"No never~!" The blonde screamed girlishly, while "What the bloody hell is a Host Club?" was the bluenette's response.

 _They're even British! How charming!_ Tamaki thought to himself.

"Hmm. Why don't you come with me, so I can show you."

Immediately, the blonde leapt up from the bluenette's lap and draping himself on Tamaki instead.

"Alois! Get off of him!" The bluenette yelled at 'Alois'.

"No, Cielly. Now come on! You said you wanted to know what a 'host' is didn't you. Well maybe _hosts_ live at the _Host_ Club!" Alois squealed.

"So you were curious what a host is, eh? C'mon, and you'll get to see."

"Alright..." 'Cielly' said, coming with Tamaki, 'Alois' along with him.

* * *

"I wonder what's takin' boss so long." Hikaru said, twiddling his thumbs.

"Beats me. Maybe he's-"

"I'm here!" Tamaki yelled as he strode into the room.

Kaoru nearly spat out his coffee when he saw the sleazy-looking blonde draped across Tamaki, and the blue-haired boy walking alongside them, yelling at said blonde.

"Woah, boss, where did you pull _them_ from?" Hikaru said, laughing at the couple that Tamaki dragged in.

The blonde boy on Tamaki's arm suddenly smirked evilly, walking towards Hikaru. "Aww, what is it you find so funny? Do you not like seeing someone all over your man?"

"Hey, kid! That's not 'my man'! That's-"

The boy leaned in close to Hikaru, and licked his face. "I could be all over you instead." He said seductively.

"Alois!" The blue-haired boy yelled at the blonde.

The blonde chuckled lightly, his mood shifting majorly. "Don't worry Ciel, I was only joking. You're the only one I'll even love."

The bluenette boy blushed slightly, and then suddenly, a booming voice came from the floor, and a spinning platform with a beautiful girl on it came up from the ground.

"Well well well, Tamaki Senpai. It appears you've recruited some _new hosts._ Name!" The girl screamed, pointing at Ciel.

"Wha-Um, Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive." The bluenette said, somewhat frightened.

"Hmm, eye patch, dark hair, masculine voice, generally dark aura... _You, Ciel Phantomhive, are the Gothic Type!_ " She screeched at 'Ciel'.

Tamaki ran over to Ciel, hugging him. "Oh Renge, I was thinking the exact same! We're in need of a Gothic Type!"

"And you!" The girl, Renge, pointed over to the blonde boy.

"I am Alois Trancy!" The blonde boy beamed.

"Licks and drapes himself on others- particularly men, quick mood swings, acts rather girlish... _You, Alois Trancy, are the Feminine Type!_ "

"And now, you two must train to become hosts!"

"What?!" "Yippee!"

And just like that, Miss Renge went back into the floor.

"What the bloody hell in going on here?!" Ciel yelled.

"It looks like you two are now gonna be hosts." Hikaru and Kaoru said in unison.

"What does being a host mean?" Alois asked innocently.

"Wooing and entertaining the beautiful women here at Ouran." Kaoru told him.

"But I don't _like_ girls!" Alois yelled.

"Hey neither do I, kid, 'cuz I am one. But that doesn't stop me." Haruhi agreed.

"Shut up, all of you! It's official, Alois and Ciel are gonna be hosts, whether they like it or not!" Tamaki yelled, japing a finger at the two boys.

"Sebastian!" Ciel yelled, but no response.

 _And just like that,_ Ciel thought, _Alois and I were official in the Ouran Academy Host Club._

* * *

 ***I am shameless. I have nothing to say about this. Just review. Please.**

 ***For the love of Phantomhive, _please_ review!**


	2. Tamaki's New Boys

"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

A shrill scream rang through the tall and enormous building of Ouran Academy.

"What the bloody hell is this?! Is this some kind of sh*tty excuse for tea?!" Ciel Phantomhive roared, spitting out the dark brown liquid that had been served in his teacup.

Honey giggled. "No Ciel-chan, it's coffee~!"

Ciel starred at the boy blankly, then turned back to the now empty teacup. "...coffee?"

"Yes. Do you not drink coffee over in Great Britain?"

"Nope~!" Alois told the little boy, walking over to the long couch where Ciel and Honey were located. "We only ever drink tea-Ack!" Suddenly he yelped, Tamaki grabbing the chipper blonde by his shirt collar.

"Alois, what have I told you?! You stay with _your_ customers! Don't come wandering over here again!" He told the boy, dragging him behind over to the opposite side of the room.

"But we haven't even opened yet! I wanna talk to Cielly! Waaaah!" Alois fake-cried.

"Well Cielly _doesn't_ wanna talk to you." Ciel mumbled under his breath.

"Oh yeah! Hey boss, what kind of girls do ya think will come to see these two?" Hikaru asked Tamaki.

"Well I dunno, maybe-"

"Seeing as Alois over there is about as 'straight as a rainbow'," Kyoya began, interrupting Tamaki. "I can imagine he'll be visited by the same type of girls who like 'twincest'. Ciel, on the other hand, being the gothic type..."

" **Would be visited by the kind of people who like gothic occult things!** "

"Gaahh!" Ciel squealed, noticing the owner of that mysterious voice was a boy peeking out from a random door in the wall. He had shaggy blackish-greenish hair, and wore a long cloak, concealing his body. On his hand was a cat-like puppet.

"...Nekozawa-senpai..." Haruhi sighed. "What are you doing here?"

The boy ran over to Ciel. " **Well just look at him! That blue hair, that monotone look, that eyepatch... little do the girls know what mysteries lie beneath it!** " And with that, the strange boy, Nekozawa, ripped off Ciel's eyepatch, revealing an amethyst pentagram on his eye.

"Hey! Give that back, damn you!" Ciel yelled, trying to get his eyepatch back from Nekozawa.

"EEEEEK! WHAT IS THAT ON HIS EYE?! IT'S WIERD MOMMY! IT'S SCARING DADDY!" Tamaki yelled at the top of his voice, crawling his way over to Kyoya.

"Oh, you got a eye tattoo? I'll bet that hurt." The twins said together, not that surprised by the odd mark on the boy's eye.

"Huh? It's not that strange. I've got one too, see?" Alois told the group, sticking out his tongue and revealing a gold and brown pentagram.

"AAAH WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE THESE STRANGE MARKINGS ON THEM?!"

"Tamaki calm down!"

"I AM CALM! I JUST-"

"Haruhi, go put on a swimsuit, will you."

"What? Why? That's so random."

"It'll calm the boss down."

"NOOO DON'T GO MAKING MY LITTLE GIRL LOOK INDECENT!"

"I am _not_ just going to go put on a swimsuit randomly!"

In the midst of all the arguing, suddenly, a loud bell rang out.

"That means..." Haruhi began.

"...the girls can come now." The twins finished.

Alois and Ciel looked at each other, each with a look of horror on their face.

* * *

-Much chaos and panic later, the host club is now open-

"Oh Tamaki, it was so kind of you to take in the new boys." A girl with red hair said, starring into Tamaki's violet eyes.

"Yes, well, when I met them, I simply _knew_ they'd make great hosts!" Tamaki replied boldly.

Meanwhile at Ciel's table, he seemed to be getting along with the girls quite nicely. You see, the previous night, Sebastian spent hours showing Ciel how to woo women.

"So you own a toy making business. That's so cute!" A blonde girl that reminded Ciel a lot of Lizzy commented.

"Yes, my family has owned the Funtom Company for years. And while the toys we make _are_ adorable," Ciel took a sip of his 'coffee', trying his absolute hardest not to spit it all back out onto the girls that were sitting near him. "they are not as cute as any of you."

The girls blushed and squealed wildly in response.

Over at Alois's table, things were moving... less smoothly, to say the least.

"You're very beautiful Alois." A brunette told the blonde, who was starring and concentrating across the room, over at Ciel's table.

"Thanks..." He mumbled, not really caring.

"Yes, Alois! And since you're so beautiful, would you mind telling us... which one of _us_ is the most beautiful?" A ravenette asked him.

Alois spent no time at all thinking. "...None of you." He stated blandly.

The girls froze there, completely shocked.

 _How_ dare _he say that!_

 _It's not true! I know that I'm the most beautiful!_

 _Why is he being so harsh?!_

 _I can't believe he'd say that!_

Realizing his mistake, Alois turned back to the girls and blushed. "Aww, I'm sorry," He said. "It's just that I can't imagine anyone being more beautiful than my precious Ciel!"

The girls sat there for a moment, trying to keep it in, before blushing and squealing at the top of their lungs. "YAOI!" They cheered.

Tamaki continued to watch the pair, not paying much attention to the switching of his customers.

"My, my, well it does seem like you've done it again, Tamaki. New hosts that you just can't seem to take your eyes off of. How repetitive." He heard a strangely familiar voice say.

He saw a familiar auburn-haired girl with light silver-violet eyes.

"...Miss Ayanokoji? Y-You were banned!" Tamaki exclaimed.

The girl smirked lightly. "The ban _expired_ , Tamaki. Besides, I have no more plans like I did when Haruhi showed up. I'm just here to become a loyal patron of the Host Club once again."

Tamaki sighed with some relief, however he turned back to stare at the girl once more. "...So you're just here to be my customer? That is all?"

Miss Ayanokoji chuckled in response, holding her hand up to her mouth and pointing at Tamaki. "I'm not here to see _you_!" She looked over to the shotas. "I'm here to see _them_."

And with that, she stood back up and sashayed over to Ciel's table.

* * *

 **Wow. As far as my stories go, this is by _far_ the most popular. Which could be why I waited so long to update it (I didn't know what you guys would think about this chapter) but lo and behold, here it is. I know this chapter was shorter, but I'm kinda running low on time, so I had to make this quick. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Next chapter will be fun to write! *sneaky laugh***

 **Also, 'Princess Ayanokoji' is the girl in the first episode of Ouran Host Club who tormented Haruhi and threw her books in the fountain. I thought it would be interesting to bring her back.**

 ***Please Review!**


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